When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn't get a job and I couldn't eat meat. Bobcat Goldthwait More Quotes by Bobcat Goldthwait More Quotes From Bobcat Goldthwait I lost my job, well I didn't lose it, I know where it is, there's just some other guy doing it now. Bobcat Goldthwait guy lost jobs Animals may be our friends, but they won't pick you up at the airport. Bobcat Goldthwait airports may animal Quit everything until you find something that you just cannot quit. Bobcat Goldthwait quitting Go on, try weasel, try squirrel; it tastes like chicken, it tastes just like chicken! If it tastes just like chicken, why don't you gimme some damn chicken? Bobcat Goldthwait squirrels animal funny America’s one of the finest countries anyone ever stole. Bobcat Goldthwait humor funny country Well, I'm an uncle now ... don't know if I'm a good one. My nephew asked me the difference between a hamster and a gerbil and I told him I thought there was more dark meat on a gerbil. Bobcat Goldthwait uncles differences dark I'm against gun control. It's not that I like guns, it's just that allowing Americans to have guns will increase the chances that a bunch of rednecks will blow each other's heads off. Bobcat Goldthwait redneck gun blow That's human nature - we want to completely rewrite history so it can be comfortable. Without getting too profound, I'm pretty sure that's where the invention of the afterlife comes from. "We don't really become worm food. We go to a magical place with bunnies and rainbows." Bobcat Goldthwait afterlife rainbow profound If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me. Bobcat Goldthwait police advice funny What's the difference between a Dice Clay concert and a Klan rally? Nothing. Trick question. Bobcat Goldthwait dice clay differences Kurt (Cobain) was a fan of my standup, which was pretty weird. I know when people hear that, it's kind of like finding out that Jimi Hendrix really liked Buddy Hackett, but he interviewed me at a college radio station before they broke and did Bleach. And then, like, about two years later, I was opening for Nirvana at these huge sports arenas. Bobcat Goldthwait college sports years I can't feel my face. I mean I can touch it. But I can't feel it inside. Bobcat Goldthwait blow faces mean I retired from acting the same time they stopped hiring me. But following my own thing of making these small indie movies has been the happiest I've ever been. Bobcat Goldthwait retired hiring acting If you ever see me at a boat show or at a car show, blow my head off. Bobcat Goldthwait boat car blow How can you be a vegetarian atheist and own a gun? Well, that's who I am. Bobcat Goldthwait who-i-am gun atheist Don't hoo, hoo, hoo me. There's a fine line between hoo, hoo, hoo and hiel, hiel, hiel. Bobcat Goldthwait fine-lines fine lines In my first stand-up acts there wasn't material even. You know, I'd go on stage and cry and read a Dear John letter or gut fish on stage. I could be odd - and it's what interested me as a comedian. Bobcat Goldthwait comedian goes-on letters In fact, with Michael Jackson, I think those mourning people... They aren't even waking Michael, they're waking the Michael Jackson of '84. They never were given a chance to give their respects to the death of the guy they loved back in '84. Bobcat Goldthwait giving people thinking It's that weird need to make tragedy about us. When you look at 9/11, there's people who really died and family members who really suffered. And then I would be in Montana, and a guy would go, "You know, I was close to Ground Zero." And it's like, "What are you talking about? You're in Montana." Everybody had to make it about them. Bobcat Goldthwait guy tragedy people Stand-up was interesting to me at the beginning, because I was trying to parody it. My early stand-up was really Andy Kaufman-esque, and then I became the very thing I was making fun of. Bobcat Goldthwait fun trying interesting
