When people come over to my house for dinner, I always have a vegetarian option. They can make do, or they can **** off! Jimmy Carr More Quotes by Jimmy Carr More Quotes From Jimmy Carr Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die. Jimmy Carr workout humor funny I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly. Jimmy Carr humor sound funny My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying "Can I have a new bike?". He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike. Jimmy Carr dad funny sex Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other. Jimmy Carr humor funny sex People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick? Jimmy Carr humor funny people Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation. Jimmy Carr cat humor funny I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem. Jimmy Carr humor war funny A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest." Jimmy Carr girl humor funny I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb. Jimmy Carr bombs hussein thinking I do realise that when I laugh, it sounds like a seal is being molested. Jimmy Carr realising sound laughing My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty." Jimmy Carr girlfriend humor funny Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service. Jimmy Carr luxury-hotels room-service giving Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros. Jimmy Carr humor funny years If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus? Jimmy Carr funny children jesus I think that comedians, more than any other type of celebrity, have to keep their humour and keep their feet on the ground. If they start taking themselves too seriously, they're heading for a fall. Jimmy Carr feet fall thinking Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, my perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee. Jimmy Carr weekend coffee perfect I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way. Jimmy Carr religious life thinking I'm obsessed with TV. How wrong our parents were when they said we should only watch an hour a day. Stop wasting your time reading books. Jimmy Carr parent reading book Throwing acid is wrong... in some people's eyes. Jimmy Carr humor eye funny I was out with a friend and he came over with a pair of girls. I said to him "They're like buses." He said "What? Because you wait for ages and then two come along at once." I said "No, they are like buses!" Jimmy Carr girl humor funny
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