When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility. Erma Bombeck More Quotes by Erma Bombeck More Quotes From Erma Bombeck When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway. Erma Bombeck mothers-day mom inspirational There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'. Erma Bombeck forgiving sorry world Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood. Erma Bombeck knives body doors Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you. Erma Bombeck hurt mother summer Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair. Erma Bombeck phoenix hair children The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track? Erma Bombeck wall track food Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth! Erma Bombeck words-of-wisdom mother food I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. Erma Bombeck inspirational life funny In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. Erma Bombeck pounds loss two Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. Erma Bombeck funny-relationship marriage love The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. Erma Bombeck running funny sex When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. Erma Bombeck dog running children It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive. Erma Bombeck blessing two kids I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie. Erma Bombeck pecans weekend pie Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the cleaning over their arm, a lamb chop defrosting under each armpit, balancing two gallons of frozen milk between their knees, and expect one of the kids to get the door. Erma Bombeck mother home kids Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time. Erma Bombeck onion-rings onions car Never accept a drink from a urologist. Erma Bombeck humor drinking funny No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick. Erma Bombeck family mother children On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings. Erma Bombeck vacation skins beach For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process. Erma Bombeck baby funny children
