Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about. Ellen DeGeneres More Quotes by Ellen DeGeneres More Quotes From Ellen DeGeneres Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. But then I remember how insignificant that is, and I thank God that I have a car and my health and gas. That was phrased wrong-normally you wouldn't say, thank God I have gas. Ellen DeGeneres car humor funny It was so important for me to lose everything, because I found out what the most important thing is, which is to be true to yourself. Ellen DeGeneres be-true-to-yourself important challenges I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. Its been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch TV. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words. Ellen DeGeneres humor funny two The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble. Ellen DeGeneres humor funny ideas Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it. Ellen DeGeneres bullying mind people Portia and I have been married for 4 years and they have been the happiest of my life. And in those 4 years, I don't think we hurt anyone else's marriage. I asked all of my neighbors and they say they're fine Ellen DeGeneres gay hurt thinking I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres. Ellen DeGeneres asparagus humor funny I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That's really why I do what I do. Ellen DeGeneres feel-better littles people Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log. Ellen DeGeneres humor sleep funny When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this," would have been fine. Ellen DeGeneres regret friendly trying It's nice when people love you....for you. Ellen DeGeneres nice love-you people If there weren't blacks, Jews and gays, there would no Oscars. Or anyone named Oscar, if you think about that. Ellen DeGeneres gay race thinking Golden eagles have an interesting way of mating, where they connect in the air while flying at eighty miles an hour and then they start dropping and they don't stop dropping until the act is completed. So it's not uncommon that they both fall all the way to the ground, hit the ground and both of them die. That's how committed they are to this. I thought to myself, 'Boy, don't we feel like wimps for stopping to answer the phone.' I don't know about you, but if I'm one of these two birds, you're getting close to the ground... I would serioulsy consider fakin' it. Ellen DeGeneres boys funny fall My dad is still Christian Scientist. My mom's not, and I'm not. But I believe in God, and that there's a higher power and an intelligence that's bigger than us and that we can rely on. It's not just us, thinking we are the ones in control of everything. That idea gives me support. Ellen DeGeneres dad mom christian You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's expense. It's sarcasm; it's nasty. Kids grow up hearing that, and they think that's what humor is, and they think it's OK. But that negativity permeates the entire planet. Ellen DeGeneres sarcasm growing-up kids All the commercials on TV today are for antidepressants, for Prozac or Paxil. And they get you right away. "Are you sad? Do you get stressed, do you have anxiety?" "Yes, I have all those things! I'm alive!" Ellen DeGeneres anxiety humor funny There are people out there hiding all kinds of things. People who have all this success and all this fame and all this money, and yet there are secrets that they think if we found out about, it would be over for them. And it's a horrible way to live whether you're famous or not. Ellen DeGeneres secret people thinking I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush. Ellen DeGeneres style opinion unique I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that. Ellen DeGeneres laughter kindness thinking So many people prefer to live in drama because it's comfortable. It's like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship - it's actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect. Ellen DeGeneres knowing drama people
