You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all. Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there! Rodney Dangerfield girlhumorfunny My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio. Rodney Dangerfield humorparentfunny They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another. Rodney Dangerfield sheetsbedchange A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started! Rodney Dangerfield humormenfunny Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe. Rodney Dangerfield tieshumorfunny I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out. Rodney Dangerfield downerswhole-lifefigures If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. Rodney Dangerfield humorfunnysex She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. Rodney Dangerfield fourhumorfunny My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!! Rodney Dangerfield wifehumorfunny I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house! Rodney Dangerfield humorhousefunny When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt - for obvious reasons - that nothing in my life went right, and I realized that millions of people felt the same way. So when I first came Rodney Dangerfield phrasespeopleway My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. Rodney Dangerfield humoreyefunny Man, who don't like spaghetti? Rodney Dangerfield spaghettimen With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave. Rodney Dangerfield humordogfunny Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone. Rodney Dangerfield good-daychallengestoday [on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half. Rodney Dangerfield hoursweekhalf A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights. Rodney Dangerfield humornightfunny I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece. Rodney Dangerfield southernpeoplethinking I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall. Rodney Dangerfield wallstupidson I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me. Rodney Dangerfield datingguygirl
