You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold. Jeff Foxworthy More Quotes by Jeff Foxworthy More Quotes From Jeff Foxworthy Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication Jeff Foxworthy sophisticationredneckabsence I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points. Jeff Foxworthy comedysouthernpeople Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? Jeff Foxworthy smellcomedybaby Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist. Jeff Foxworthy humorfunnypeople You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter. Jeff Foxworthy carematterstuff If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck. Jeff Foxworthy humorhomefunny It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time. Jeff Foxworthy sensationsmad You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children. Jeff Foxworthy teachingteacherchildren I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight. Jeff Foxworthy keystogetherschool For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors. Jeff Foxworthy familysittinglaw You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut. Jeff Foxworthy rednecktupperwareparty You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate. Jeff Foxworthy orange-juiceredneckmight You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts. Jeff Foxworthy marriedbuyingsex If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck. Jeff Foxworthy redneckhumorfunny You might be a redneck if you celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it. Jeff Foxworthy groundhog-dayredneckbelieve I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did. Jeff Foxworthy jealousygraduationfunny You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education. Jeff Foxworthy workteacherretirement You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding! Jeff Foxworthy diapershumorfunny When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.' Jeff Foxworthy dadhumorfunny You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock. Jeff Foxworthy redneckwallwife
