You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them. Dylan Moran More Quotes by Dylan Moran More Quotes From Dylan Moran I wouldn't be in a huge hurry to go back to Kansas. It was just bizarre. There's a lot of very, very heavy set people who believe in whatever they were told, because they didn't seem to get out very much or be interested in leaving where they were. They just didn't seem that curious, and I find that a little hard to deal with. Dylan Moran kansasbelievepeople I'm delighted to make as many people feel ashamed as possible. There's probably a site like that for everybody. I've heard Newt Gingrich has his own as well. Dylan Moran newtssitepeople I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here. Dylan Moran humorhurtfunny Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, "Don't go outside! Or inside! Get into the cupboard with some spinach!" When I was a child they'd kick you out and you weren't expected to come back until there were bats! Dylan Moran humorfunnychildren The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty. Dylan Moran realwittycharacter Some people have told me that I'm grumpy; it's not something that I'm aware of. It's not like I walk around poking children in the eye... not very small ones, anyway. Dylan Moran eyechildrenpeople Everybody is corrupted by hotel rooms. You can't help it. It's the only place in the world where you walk in and the first think you do is steal everything before you take your coat off. Dylan Moran humorfunnythinking It probably says something really clinically terrible about my character that I need to get up on a stage and go 'Ra ra ra' in front of people. Dylan Moran characterpeopleneeds When I was young, all the politicians looked like ancient Latin teachers or greengrocers. They were mumbly, stumbly men with their hair blowing in their eyes, walking into trees, opening the wrong door. They had no idea how to present themselves. Dylan Moran eyelatinteacher It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator. Dylan Moran doctorshumorfunny You see the button with the guy with the tray, and you push it, and he arrives with a sandwich! And you think: "Yes! Yes! I control sandwich monkey! I live in magic land, magic land, magic land" Dylan Moran humorfunnythinking Lots of comics try stuff out all year round, which is very sensible - I don't. Dylan Moran stufftryingyears You’re not going to learn anything if you’re not prepared to go flat, so I’m very happy to go flat. Dylan Moran preparedflatsvery-happy I'm organised in some ways, but not in others. Dylan Moran organisedway I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised yeah, it's a similar feeling, sure. Dylan Moran rocksfeelingsnight You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it. Dylan Moran beardhumorfunny Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl. Dylan Moran humortryingfunny One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear from this Black Books thing. Dylan Moran humorfunnybook Now, I meant to talk about something else earlier on, and I've forgotten what it was. I've remembered what it is again, but I've also forgotten. And that's really what adult life is like most of the time. Dylan Moran life-is-likehumorfunny I'm not a fighter, I'm a bleeder. Dylan Moran fighterhumorfunny
