A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense. Woody Allen More Quotes by Woody Allen More Quotes From Woody Allen You mellow too much you ripen and rot. Woody Allen mellowmaturitytoo-much We knew the front door was always left open, but we broke in just to keep in practice. Doxy turned all the Washburn family photos to the wall so there wouldn't be any witnesses. Woody Allen wallhumorfunny Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs. Woody Allen groupsevilknows Marriage is the death of hope. Woody Allen humorfunnydeath Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler? Woody Allen leaderenoughbelieve Let's say there was no terrorism whatsoever and we were all very nice to one another and we were all kind, we still would be faced with an extremely cruel and hostile universe and existence and so I'm a great pessimist and I feel that it's impossible really to be happy, and that the best you can hope for is to be distracted. Woody Allen nicewould-beimpossible Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. Woody Allen humorouswittydeath I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts. Woody Allen funnybookdirty I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light. Woody Allen lightcitiesmoving If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse. Woody Allen humorouswittydeath My grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad. Woody Allen funeralcookingfood The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right. Woody Allen donesexdirty Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen inspiringinspirationalfunny No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you. Woody Allen oppositespeoplethinking What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours. Woody Allen hoursdislikeuniverse I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light. Woody Allen hilariouswittyfunny What is it about death that bothers me? Probably the hours. Woody Allen hoursbother There will be no major solution to the suffering of humanity until we reach some understanding of who we are, what the purpose of creation was, what happens after death. Until those questions are resolved we are caught. Woody Allen understandinghumanityphilosophy I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social. Woody Allen geekhumorouswitty Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. Woody Allen stupidityriversknowledge
