An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom; it just doesn't work. Rita Rudner More Quotes by Rita Rudner More Quotes From Rita Rudner I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them. Rita Rudner pregnancyfunnychildren My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner painhusbandmean I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable. Rita Rudner shytoo-muchconversation When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third. Rita Rudner pirouettesdancerfirsts Men who drink herbal teas are seldom serial killers. Rita Rudner humormenfunny I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962. Rita Rudner humorlossfunny I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur. Rita Rudner furwastecat When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost? Rita Rudner heartachewantmen I knew so little about money I used to sign my check, "Love, Rita." Rita Rudner moneylittleslove Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. Rita Rudner sarcasmsarcasticmother I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow. Rita Rudner turkeysmotherfood Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog. Rita Rudner los-angelestownsdog Men who write love letters don't live in this century. Rita Rudner letterswritingmen If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires. Rita Rudner moneyhumorfunny Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to. Rita Rudner heartbabynight Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. Rita Rudner shoppingspecialfeelings Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man. Rita Rudner humorousmenfunny Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag. Rita Rudner pregnancybabytwo Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind. Rita Rudner wanthairpeople Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore. Rita Rudner humorsleepfunny
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