At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin naturestupidphilosophy Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own, and control the corporations. They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. George Carlin smartrunningthinking In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem. George Carlin sarcasticwittyfunny Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin sarcasticwittyfunny Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin wittylifefunny Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin inspirationallifefunny To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the existence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. Probably far more. At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless taped and filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over the world, along with documented radar evidence seen by experienced military and civilian radar operators.>>. George Carlin militaryworldthinking The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin realphilosophylying Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? We have the war on crime, the war on George Carlin cancerwaramerica All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another George Carlin politicianmediadifferent Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin musicinspirationallife Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole. George Carlin catdogthinking Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything. George Carlin learningfaithchildren If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin ignorantselfishleader Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. If the parent corporation doesn't want you to know something, it won't be on the news. Period. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. George Carlin independentmediarunning Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away. George Carlin birthdayinspirationallife Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. George Carlin humorbeerfunny If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? George Carlin terrificworkpay People are wonderful. I love individuals. I hate groups of people. I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. 'Cause pretty soon they have little hats. And armbands. And fight songs. And a list of people they're going to visit at 3am. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking. George Carlin hateeyesong Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin optimismglassespeople
