Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. Henny Youngman More Quotes by Henny Youngman More Quotes From Henny Youngman My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does! Henny Youngman wife humor funny She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!" Henny Youngman kissing humor funny If I had blood, I'd blush. Henny Youngman humor funny blood I've got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn't too bad. Henny Youngman wonderful two children I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet. Henny Youngman humor time funny I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car. Henny Youngman car taken men All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others. Henny Youngman homeless home men I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk to strangers." Henny Youngman humor men funny That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position! Henny Youngman horse time funny Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are. Henny Youngman want way moving I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed? Henny Youngman humor funny years Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live. Henny Youngman horse winning funny In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess. Henny Youngman teaching education school Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!" Henny Youngman hollywood humor funny There were three kids in my family. One of each sex. Henny Youngman three kids sex I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive? Henny Youngman reincarnation alive believe "What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!" Henny Youngman wall humor funny Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. Henny Youngman divorce humor funny I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads. Henny Youngman humor men funny This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! Henny Youngman graduation inspirational funny
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