Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. Henny Youngman More Quotes by Henny Youngman More Quotes From Henny Youngman You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready. Henny Youngman comedy humor funny A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!" Henny Youngman humor men funny Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it. Henny Youngman wife humor funny "Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!" Henny Youngman doctors humor funny Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket. Henny Youngman easter humor funny I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase. Henny Youngman reading funny book I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward. Henny Youngman accounts coward religion My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City? Henny Youngman dad new-york drinking On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls? Henny Youngman ballet girl dancing Have you seen the new Polish jigsaw puzzle? One piece. Henny Youngman jigsaw-puzzles humor funny In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?" He said, "because I was going up!" Henny Youngman humor men funny The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!" Henny Youngman humor kings funny My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. Henny Youngman funny-marriage wife sea He doesn't get ulcers - he gives them. Henny Youngman ulcers insult giving Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering. Henny Youngman humor suffering funny I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere. Henny Youngman flattery car 2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything." Henny Youngman humor new-york funny There is no spark like the one ignited under the aspirations of a new graduate. Henny Youngman sparks memorable graduation I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. Henny Youngman credit cutting lasts A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, How do you like it up here? The priest says, If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini? Yes. Rosary, get the bishop a martini! Henny Youngman rosary alaska years
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