He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian. Woody Allen More Quotes by Woody Allen More Quotes From Woody Allen My brain? It's my second favorite organ! Woody Allen humorous brain witty There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time. Woody Allen rhyme seems reason I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman. Woody Allen divorce left wife Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib. Woody Allen done law lobster The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house. Woody Allen laughter funny ideas Men would make love with any number of women ... even total strangers, while females were selective. They were catering to the demands of one small egg. While males had millions of frantic sperms screaming: "Let us out, let us out!". Woody Allen eggs numbers men I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know. Woody Allen home sports night People say that death is a part of life and there must be something to it, but I just see it as bad news and I want everybody to stop sugarcoating it. Woody Allen news want people The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term "demonstration." If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely "acting silly" or "behaving like an ass. Woody Allen keys home silly Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers. Woody Allen men sex thinking Human existence is a brutal experience to me... it's a brutal, meaningless experience - an agonizing, meaningless experience with some oases, delight, some charm and peace, but these are just small oases. Overall, it is a brutal, terrible experience, and so it salvation is what can you do to alleviate the agony of the human condition, the human predicament? That is what interests me the most. Woody Allen oasis agonizing agony When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be. Woody Allen humor funny sex If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life than a non-believer. Woody Allen bail santa believe They were doing the Dying Swan at the ballet. And there was a rumor that some bookmarkers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the bullet. There was a lot of money bet on the swan to live. Woody Allen swans ballet new-york As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. Woody Allen sarcasm sarcastic nature That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing. Woody Allen fun laughing sex My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite. Woody Allen parent together years History is the same thing over and over again. Woody Allen fitness-motivational temporary-insanity bores-you Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you. Woody Allen paranoid mean Life's hard, then you die. Woody Allen meaningful-death cans-of-worms life-is-hard
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