I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate. Bob Monkhouse More Quotes by Bob Monkhouse More Quotes From Bob Monkhouse Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional. Bob Monkhouse growing-up humor funny Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? Bob Monkhouse humor life funny I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap. Bob Monkhouse funny-relationship horse wife If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? Bob Monkhouse sunglasses questions-and-answers people My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh. Bob Monkhouse mom mother funny They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now. Bob Monkhouse smart clever funny I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard. Bob Monkhouse humor funny sex I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer. Bob Monkhouse alarms wife funny Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted. Bob Monkhouse silence humor funny My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo. Bob Monkhouse humor funny father When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to? Bob Monkhouse inventor drawing boards What do gardeners do when they retire? Bob Monkhouse humor retirement funny Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days. Bob Monkhouse laughter nice missing A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away. Bob Monkhouse humor feet funny A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'. Bob Monkhouse cat humor funny I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now Bob Monkhouse comedian wanted laughing Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents? Bob Monkhouse homeless humor funny Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest. Bob Monkhouse investment funny-marriage pay Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money. Bob Monkhouse real-happiness girl real The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time. Bob Monkhouse archer humor funny
