I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. W. C. Fields More Quotes by W. C. Fields More Quotes From W. C. Fields A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain. W. C. Fields neckspainmen The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split. W. C. Fields splitswifeneeds Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again. W. C. Fields comedyshouldchildren Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. W. C. Fields feethouselittles When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours. W. C. Fields whiskeydrinkinghands There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. W. C. Fields foodchildrenfirsts Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words. W. C. Fields fournamesletters I never eat before breakfast. W. C. Fields breakfast I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know. W. C. Fields drinkingtimefunny Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. W. C. Fields comedylunchdrinking I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.). W. C. Fields caughtcomedyreading Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven. W. C. Fields funny-lifechristmasdrinking My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. W. C. Fields healthfoodbaby I like children. If they're properly cooked. W. C. Fields explanationifschildren Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else. W. C. Fields happeningscomedytragedy Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty. W. C. Fields girltwentieschildren I drink therefore I am. W. C. Fields drinkingcleverfunny The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache. W. C. Fields drinkingboystwo Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive. W. C. Fields yardsnaturenight It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive. W. C. Fields funny-lifeluckymen
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