I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body. Rita Rudner More Quotes by Rita Rudner More Quotes From Rita Rudner Commitment is different in males and females. In females it is a desire to get married and raise a family. In males it means not picking up other women while out with one's girlfriend. Rita Rudner girlfriend mean commitment We live in Los Angeles, where you are expected to move every two to four years, so people can see how well your career is going. Rita Rudner careers years moving After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch. Rita Rudner scratches next should Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy. Rita Rudner depressing humor funny Men don't mature. Marry a younger one. Rita Rudner mature men Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire? Rita Rudner women humor funny Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l. Rita Rudner nice new-york funny Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting." Rita Rudner humor men funny I can see close up and my husband can see far away, so we're covered. He tells me who's in the movie and I tell him what's in his sandwich. Together we're human bifocals. Rita Rudner sandwiches husband together Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to. Rita Rudner sports men thinking I was going with someone for a few years, but we broke up. It was one of those things. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want him to. Rita Rudner heartache want years Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer. Rita Rudner team basketball funny My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home. Rita Rudner growing-up home father All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. They don't understand them, and they don't want to get near them. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun. Rita Rudner gun sleep men Blondes have more fun, don't they? They must. How many brunettes do you see walking down the street with blond roots? Rita Rudner brunette roots fun Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know. Rita Rudner humor men funny Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke? Rita Rudner love life funny I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet. Rita Rudner age ears retirement Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit. Rita Rudner humor men funny I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum. Rita Rudner gum dresses needs
