I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now Bob Monkhouse More Quotes by Bob Monkhouse More Quotes From Bob Monkhouse I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner! Bob Monkhouse sinnerwinnerknows My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.' Bob Monkhouse motherlovefunny I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance. Bob Monkhouse distancefunnysex With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years. Bob Monkhouse wifesexyears I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative. Bob Monkhouse creativedonewant I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too! Bob Monkhouse humorhomefunny My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals. Bob Monkhouse wifehumorfunny I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret. Bob Monkhouse clubsrealhome I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas. Bob Monkhouse sawsphrasesthinking I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers. Bob Monkhouse passengersdadsleep Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note! Bob Monkhouse humorcollegefunny I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate. Bob Monkhouse guarantees-thathumorfunny You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!" Bob Monkhouse bossholesgolf My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle. Bob Monkhouse iciclesdrinkfather I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much. Bob Monkhouse funny-marriagewifehouse I got my start in silent radio. Bob Monkhouse radiohumorfunny
