I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. Billy Connolly More Quotes by Billy Connolly More Quotes From Billy Connolly As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It's something they reserve just for me. Billy Connolly reserves scottish successful I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended. Billy Connolly offended-you differences people Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint. Billy Connolly allies soccer thinking Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time. Billy Connolly dark want people I don't aim to offend. Billy Connolly aim I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing. Billy Connolly malfunction body crosses I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was. Billy Connolly queues becoming knowing I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist. Billy Connolly magritte scottish artist People die all the time. It's just that you're not around. Billy Connolly dies people I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place. Billy Connolly japan comedy children Nothing means anything here. When they pull down an outstanding building, no one objects. Oh, maybe there's a wee protest from some collectors or something who take a picture of it before it vanishes. Billy Connolly building mean america A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries. Billy Connolly offending religious people I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce. Billy Connolly malfunction crosses I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh. Billy Connolly arses laughing years Don't vote, it only encourages them. Billy Connolly election vote political I was brought up as a Catholic. I've got A-level guilt. Billy Connolly catholic levels guilt In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it's folded. Billy Connolly differences funny travel The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know. Billy Connolly optimism new-york america Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding's a mystery to me now. You can't go back, your life changes every day. Billy Connolly clothes-you-wear life-changing successful When you involved in an accident and someone asks "are you alright?" Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off. Billy Connolly thanks humor funny
