If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck. Jeff Foxworthy More Quotes by Jeff Foxworthy More Quotes From Jeff Foxworthy Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work. Jeff Foxworthy bonus money hate It's sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn't have to. Jeff Foxworthy passing-away You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat. Jeff Foxworthy redneck rats might The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy. Jeff Foxworthy crazy night believe This happened to me last week. We're in the process of remodeling our house; we've been doing it for a while now. And we have the painters in, putting sheets up around the furniture, you know? And we have a piano, just a regular, up against the wall piano. One of the painters said to me, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "Nah, that's our coffee table, it just has buckteeth! Here's your Sign! Jeff Foxworthy piano coffee house My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family. Jeff Foxworthy fathers-day humor funny Kids aren't suppose to have cancer, they're suppose to have a future. Jeff Foxworthy cancer kids We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms. Jeff Foxworthy arms bears heart You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday. Jeff Foxworthy redneck dad giving People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper. Jeff Foxworthy hey pieces people Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this. Jeff Foxworthy careers long years You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco. Jeff Foxworthy redneck shoes grandma You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion. Jeff Foxworthy redneck grandfather might All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them. Jeff Foxworthy airports people years Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking. Jeff Foxworthy cutting people thinking You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it. Jeff Foxworthy redneck killers weed You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray. Jeff Foxworthy redneck jobs two Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates. Jeff Foxworthy redneck portfolios people You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them. Jeff Foxworthy logos redneck clothes You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn. Jeff Foxworthy redneck barns ambition
