... it's simply wrong to always order [kids] to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned well should be fighting. Erma Bombeck More Quotes by Erma Bombeck More Quotes From Erma Bombeck I think it's time we women stopped carrying supplies for the entire family. If children don't have room to carry their own toys, if men don't have pockets in their pants, tougho. Erma Bombeck women children thinking A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel. Erma Bombeck ironing-board kitchen boards Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, "In Case of Fire, Throw This in First." I have never had so much respect for Mama as the day I heard this. Erma Bombeck reading funny book You always hear about fashion's success stories. How a starlet lost an earring one night and by the next morning, the entire country was wearing one earring. Or how sweaters made a comeback in a drugstore, or a First Lady influenced how we dressed during her reign. But what about the losers? The fashions that came and went out the same day? The hopes and dreams of designers that were shattered by the sound of fifty million women ... laughing themselves to death. Erma Bombeck fashion dream country I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance. Erma Bombeck wall cat children All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up. Erma Bombeck tired cheer funny With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield. Erma Bombeck humorous funny sex Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We watch people make love on television and in films. We call 900 numbers to hear what someone would do to us if they weren't sitting in a boiler room of other dirty talkers reading from a prepared script. Erma Bombeck sports funny sex Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each. Erma Bombeck dog food children When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem. Erma Bombeck tag dinner names Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever. Erma Bombeck ugly carpet lasts If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair. Erma Bombeck nudity chairs naked My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about! Erma Bombeck columns women talking I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky. Erma Bombeck humorous food funny Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus. Erma Bombeck humorous food funny Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved. Erma Bombeck laughter baby funny We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.) Erma Bombeck humorous white funny The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. Erma Bombeck humorous god funny Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met. Erma Bombeck humorous faces funny Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake. Erma Bombeck humorous mother funny
