My first words were 'Seconds, please.' Most kids in kindergarten napped on a little rug. I had a braided 9 x 12. Louie Anderson More Quotes by Louie Anderson More Quotes From Louie Anderson I'm a 7 o'clock act. My people want to go to a show, a dinner and then go home and go to bed. Louie Anderson bed home people After 34 years, I feel like I did when I was starting out. I feel excited and feel I've never been better doing what I do. Louie Anderson excited starting-out years Azhar Usman is a true original and will laugh the hate right out of you. Louie Anderson originals hate laughing I have added a lot. There's some Vegas stuff and hotel stuff and a whole chunk on health. Louie Anderson hotel vegas stuff Weight is a glanduar thing, as well as an emotional thing. Louie Anderson wells emotional weight Dr. Phil was very helpful and caring. I believe he helped all of us there and watching how to better relate, understand, and communicate with our families and loved ones. Dr. Phil recommended reading my new book. Louie Anderson reading believe book I have a cousin Ernie who buys stuff. He's got a big snowblower that's actually the biggest snowblower you can buy, with a remote control, so he doesn't even have to go outside. He's got the microwave and a satellite dish, it's all in one. He cooks and watches at the same time. Louie Anderson cousin stuff watches Minnesotans really think they run the whole world, I love that. Louie Anderson running world thinking I have a very warm spot in my heart for Vegas. Louie Anderson vegas spots heart I was kind of a Rickles comic to begin with. I was caustic, and I was abusive and mean to the audience. Louie Anderson comic audience kind mean I was 10th of 11 kids in an alcoholic, abusive, poor family. We all want things that we can't have. And I found comedy. Louie Anderson comedy family poor want All great comedians make me laugh, but people make me laugh more. Louie Anderson laugh great me people Everyone always comes to one point in their life as an artist where you can either let your heart guide you or your ego. Louie Anderson you ego heart life We were on welfare when we were kids. Thanks for reminding me of that. Louie Anderson me thanks welfare kids You have to be funny about it and honest about it. You can't leave yourself out of that mix. You have to be honest enough to say, I'm that messed-up one in the family. Louie Anderson yourself you family funny A real estate closer. Oh, what's that? I'm a real estate opener. What is a real estate closer? You mean at the end where you've got to sign all those papers? Louie Anderson real-estate end you real I really try to have fun. If I don't have fun, you won't have fun. That's what my gift is: to relieve people from a little of the pain and comfort in their lives by allowing my comedy to distract them. A good laugh is almost as good as any doctor visit. Louie Anderson good you pain people I have about 1,000 hours of myself on tape in a vault in Los Angeles. But I also have a photographic memory about my jokes, because they're really about me; they're my stories. Louie Anderson memory myself me jokes If I have food in the house and I'm laying in bed, I go, 'I bet that Captain Crunch is lonely in the cupboard.' Louie Anderson go lonely house food You can't open anything after your 50. You have to wait 'til people stop by the house. 'Oh my God, I'm glad you're here.' Louie Anderson wait you god people
