My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill. Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white. Rodney Dangerfield rainbow black-and-white poor My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies. Rodney Dangerfield cousin funny school I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it. Rodney Dangerfield girl home honey My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years. Rodney Dangerfield wife sex years I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough. Rodney Dangerfield humor funny sex I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me. Rodney Dangerfield lovers humor funny One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house. Rodney Dangerfield house action night I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west. Rodney Dangerfield uncles stupid funny To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit. Rodney Dangerfield quitting giving ideas I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks. Rodney Dangerfield girl humor funny There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows. Rodney Dangerfield wife humor funny My mom took me to a dog show and I won!! Rodney Dangerfield mom dog funny My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles Rodney Dangerfield daughter humor funny With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex. Rodney Dangerfield girl mirrors thinking I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought. Rodney Dangerfield ugly dad kids Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity. Rodney Dangerfield lovely-lady wife baby I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"! Rodney Dangerfield crazy home funny She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo. Rodney Dangerfield echoes humor funny When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York. Rodney Dangerfield new-york mother jobs Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money. Rodney Dangerfield humor funny two
