My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. Steven Wright More Quotes by Steven Wright More Quotes From Steven Wright The older you get, the more you learn to see what you've been taught to see. When you're a kid, you see what's there. Steven Wright taughtperceptionkids I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time. Steven Wright humornightfunny Five out of four people have trouble with fractions. Steven Wright funny-motivationalteachingmath Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. Steven Wright humormemoriesfunny Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”? Steven Wright Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it? Steven Wright humorfunnyideas When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. Steven Wright humorfunnychildren Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? Steven Wright humornumbersfunny Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.' Steven Wright desertislandsbook If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? Steven Wright humordoefunny Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. Steven Wright distanceworkfun I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. Steven Wright eyeglasseshumorfunny Consciousness: That annoying time between naps Steven Wright annoyingnapssleep I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright birthdaylifefunny One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read" Steven Wright timerunningfunny I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious! Steven Wright humorfunnypeople I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. Steven Wright humorousfoodfunny Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist? Steven Wright humorplayfunny If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? Steven Wright humornosesfunny My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.' Steven Wright doctorswork-outshapes
