Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back. Milton Berle More Quotes by Milton Berle More Quotes From Milton Berle A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. Milton Berle wittyinspirationalfunny My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother. Milton Berle christmasrealbrother We inherit a lot from our parents: mom's eyes, dad's chin, and the attitude of whichever parent isn't punishing you at the moment. All of those things we have our mom's to thank for."If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" Milton Berle mommotherattitude Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot. Milton Berle cupidvalentineremember I don't date women my age. There aren't any. Milton Berle age I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins. Milton Berle grain-of-saltnew-yearyears The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn't stop until you get to school. Milton Berle teachingeducationschool My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. Milton Berle valentinemotherheart Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat? Milton Berle teachingeducationpromise Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering. Milton Berle jewdrinksuffering My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year." Milton Berle christmasbrotheryears Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places. Milton Berle prosperityhelpinglooks I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon. Milton Berle bobinsultingmind I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank? Milton Berle moneyhumorfunny I just read about a schoolteacher who got hurt. She was grading papers on a curve! Milton Berle curvesteachinghurt Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name. Milton Berle humorouswittyfunny An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it. Milton Berle horsekissinghero I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost. Milton Berle jokeslost Laughter is the best medicine in the world. Milton Berle medicinelaughterworld If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit. Milton Berle payrollquittingifs
