Rich parents are famous both for miserliness and astonishing longevity. And, when they finally do die, you'll find they've left their estate in inviolate trust to the golden retrievers. P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes From P. J. O'Rourke One of the enduring problems with certain societies in the world - and this is certainly true of a lot of places in the Middle East - is that the capacity for self-governance and self-organizing just isn't there. It has to do with history. P. J. O'Rourke middle-east self world I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now. P. J. O'Rourke cities air remember Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jury duty. P. J. O'Rourke self running people Satire doesn't effect change. P. J. O'Rourke satire effects There isn't much room for an outsider point of view in print any more. P. J. O'Rourke outsiders views rooms You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can. P. J. O'Rourke do-the-best middle-east despair Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient. P. J. O'Rourke size government way As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children. P. J. O'Rourke mercy funny children My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you're fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family. P. J. O'Rourke hitting wife two The second item in the liberal creed, after self-righteousness, is unaccountability. Liberals have invented whole college majors--psychology, sociology, women's studies--to prove that nothing is anybody's fault. No one is fond of taking responsibility for his actions, but consider how much you'd have to hate free will to come up with a political platform that advocates killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers. A callous pragmatist might favor abortion and capital punishment. A devout Christian would sanction neither. But it takes years of therapy to arrive at the liberal view. P. J. O'Rourke hate christian baby People are all exactly alike. There's no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we'd be the same breed. George Bush and an Australian Aborigine have fewer differences than a Lhasa apso and a toy fox terrier. A Japanese raised in Riyadh would be an Arab. A Zulu raised in New Rochelle would be an orthodontist. People are all the same, though their circumstances differ terribly. P. J. O'Rourke differences race dog Those who do not know history are probably also not doing well in English or math. P.J. O'Rourke P. J. O'Rourke wells math history Politics is the art of achieving prestige and power without merit. P. J. O'Rourke deep-thought humor art The wise traveler [to Beirut] will pack shirts or blouses with ample breast pockets. Reaching inside a jacket for your passport looks too much like going for the draw and puts armed men out of countinence P. J. O'Rourke wise men travel The typical old-fashioned diet (in the nineteenth century) was so bad it almost assembled modern dieting. P. J. O'Rourke humor loss funny I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely to tell the truth or, at least, lie less convincingly than they do in briefings and books. P. J. O'Rourke drinking book lying Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud "snort" noises.) I don't know why parents don't do this more often. Usually it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it quiets him down. If you're a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage. Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won't have his friends hanging around your house all the time. P. J. O'Rourke mom baby inspirational Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either. P. J. O'Rourke alcohol drinking food Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks. P. J. O'Rourke health drinking funny The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people's feet. Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language. P. J. O'Rourke sarcastic food children
