Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist. George Burns More Quotes by George Burns More Quotes From George Burns First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. George Burns happy-birthdayhumorfunny There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up. George Burns wake-upsillymorning You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old. George Burns optimisticwishbirthday Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. George Burns runninginspirationalfunny I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast. George Burns namesmorningbreakfast I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate. George Burns cutepositiveinspirational You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. George Burns hilariousretirementfunny I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life. George Burns timeinspirationallife It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. George Burns drunkdrinkingclever When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights. George Burns lightteamworkinspiring Lots of people have asked me what Gracie and I did to make our marriage work. It's simple - we don't do anything. I think the trouble with a lot of people is that they work too hard at staying married. They make a business out of it. When you work too hard at a business you get tired; and when you get tired you get grouchy; and when you get grouchy you start fighting; and when you start fighting you're out of business. George Burns tiredfightingwisdom People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. George Burns birthdayretirementpeople And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.' George Burns blamelawyerpeople Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size. George Burns sizeshoesyoung I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. George Burns scotchmusicfunny I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody. George Burns eldershappy-birthday If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. George Burns birthdayfunnydeath The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. George Burns humorlifefunny In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it. George Burns icehumorfunny Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns inspirationallovefunny
