Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. Dave Barry More Quotes by Dave Barry More Quotes From Dave Barry Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything. Dave Barry oregongdpliterature If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word. Dave Barry bigsliteratureenough In the words of a very famous dead person, 'A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly on the Scholastic Aptitude Test. Dave Barry aptitude-testtestsdoe Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything. Dave Barry dollarssubstancetime Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information which is how I got a good job in journalism. Dave Barry writingjobsfunny Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. Dave Barry hikinginspirationreality To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. Dave Barry teenageinspirationalfunny The major advantage of domestic travel is that, with a few exceptions such as Miami, most domestic locations are conveniently situated right here in the United States. Dave Barry united-statesfuntravel Another well-known Paris landmark is the Arc de Triomphe, a moving monument to the many brave women and men who have died trying to visit it. Dave Barry funtravelmoving The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins. Dave Barry trustlakesfood For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest). Dave Barry humorlossfunny We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail. Dave Barry patrioticjailstrong Cats are independent, by which I mean smart. Dave Barry smartindependentcat Don't emphasise money if you don't have much; be happy Dave Barry savingsinvestmentsaving Far too often, we fathers avoid the subject because it's so awkward. The subject I am referring to is: buying gifts for women. This is an area where many men do not have a clue. Exhibit A was my father, who was a very thoughtful man, but who once gave my mother, on their anniversary, the following token of his love, his commitment, and-yes-his passion for her: an electric blanket. Dave Barry fathers-daypassionmother The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch. Dave Barry sarcasmsarcasticbaby The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. Dave Barry communicationtechnologywaiting If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things about them: Dave Barry scott-fitzgeraldeditorstwo Modern cyberspace is a deadly festering swamp, teeming with dangerous programs such as 'viruses,' 'worms,' 'Trojan horses' and 'licensed Microsoft software' that can take over your computer and render it useless. Dave Barry horsehumorfunny Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this the hard way. Dave Barry boysfunnytravel
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