Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held. Randy Glasbergen More Quotes by Randy Glasbergen More Quotes From Randy Glasbergen What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day? Randy Glasbergen schedulesbusyexercise Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times. Randy Glasbergen humorlossfunny I think men were destined to become homemakers. After all, who ever heard of "Ms. Clean" or the "Woman from Glad"? Randy Glasbergen mensexthinking Thank you for calling customer service. If you're calm and rational, press 1. If you're a whiner, press 2. If you're a hot head, press 3 Randy Glasbergen callinghotfunny It's called 'reading'. It's how people install new software into their brains. Randy Glasbergen readingbrainpeople I learned about stress management from my kids. Every night after work, I drink some chocolate milk, eat sugary cereal straight from the box, then run around the house in my underwear screaming like a monkey. Randy Glasbergen stressrunningkids He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom. Randy Glasbergen tattoohumorousthinking These motivational tapes have really inspired me! I'm going to make a million dollars, buy my own company and retire early. Then, I'm going to write a novel and a symphony and give all the profits to charity. Then next month, I'll figure out how to do it. Randy Glasbergen motivationinspirationalfunny
