You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin I use the word 'fat'. I use that word because that's what people are: they're fat. They're not bulky; they're not large, chunky, hefty or plump. And they're not big-boned. Dinosaurs were big-boned. These people are not overweight: this term somehow implies there is some correct weight... There is no correct weight. Heavy is also a misleading term. An aircraft carrier is heavy; it's not fat. Only people are fat, and that's what fat people are! They're fat ! George Carlin usefoodpeople Religion is the worst thing that ever happened to mankind - the ironic part is that it's presented as a good thing, and its effect is absolutely catastrophic to individuals and to societies. George Carlin ironicindividualgood-things When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day? George Carlin impatientgenuinewonder When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion. George Carlin bullshitatheistleague I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. George Carlin lonerbotherchildren Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell. George Carlin smelldiseaseheart These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people. George Carlin electionhumorouspeople Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? George Carlin machineshumorfunny Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. George Carlin stupid-peoplehumorfunny Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. George Carlin cherishhealthhelping I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it. George Carlin commitsuicideifs If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? George Carlin shellsnakedturtles If you dropped me off a space platform onto the ground where a line was drawn, I would fall to the left side of it. I believe the difference between right and left is that the right, for the most part, the bulk of their philosophy is interested in property, and the rights of people to own property and gain and acquire and keep property. And I think on the left - though they blend and mix - on the left primarily you will find people who are more concerned about humans, and the human condition, and what can be done. George Carlin philosophybelievefall Life is a near-death experience. George Carlin near-deathfunny-lifelife-is Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. George Carlin smartrunningthinking Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent. George Carlin cuisineusedpay What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on? George Carlin mean-girlsinspirationalfunny I'm not an angry person, just very disappointed and contemptuous of my fellow humans' choices - and on stage those feelings sometimes are exaggerated for a theatric stage - you're on a stage you have an audience of 2500 or 3000 people: you need to project the feelings, the emotions it's heightened, and people mistake it for a personal anger but it's more dissatisfaction, disappointment and contempt for these things we've settled for. George Carlin disappointmentmistakepeople If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball. George Carlin stupiddoorspeople By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin stupid-peopletoolstruth
