I've put an umbrella in my mouth and opened it. I sat in a lemon-meringue pie. I've done terrible things to my dog with a fork. Steve Martin More Quotes by Steve Martin More Quotes From Steve Martin When I first started doing my comedy act, I just desperately needed material. So I took literally everything I knew how to do on stage with me, which was juggling, magic and banjo and my little comedy routines. I always felt the audience sorta tolerated the serious musical parts while I was doing my comedy. Steve Martin magic musical littles When I was in college, I was debating to try my hand at show business, or to become a professor. I just thought of the risk of not going into show business and always wondering if I would've had a chance. Because that's where my real heart was. Steve Martin real college heart Or is it that I think too much? Steve Martin too-much thinking I have no fear, no fear at all. I wake up, and I have no fear. I go to bed without fear. Fear, fear, fear, fear. Yes, 'fear' is a word that is not in my vocabulary. Steve Martin wake-up vocabulary bed They want me on the television shows now because I did so well on Celebrity Assholes. Steve Martin want fame television I'm 48. For a while after 'The Jerk' (movie) I had a feeling of failure. I was a little scared. First people discover you and they love you. You get big and then you fail. And people are glad that you fail. But I've always come back and I've started to trust myself. Steve Martin failure love-you people It is the perfect wrong time for Jeremy to do to Mirabelle what she had done to him - call him up for a quick fix - because;, in a sense, she is now betrothed. Her first date with someone who treated her well obligates her to faithfulness, at least until the relationship is explored. Steve Martin done perfect firsts she is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses. Steve Martin forgiven skins rose I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday... unless there's a game on. Steve Martin humor funny believe With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, and hilarious. Steve Martin delicacy obsession three There are few takers for the quiet heart. Steve Martin quiet-heart heart quiet Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey Steve Martin jerk lord men There is something going on now in Mexico that I happen to think is cruelty to animals. What I'm talking about, of course, is cat juggling. Steve Martin cat animal thinking The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, 'Hey, mind if I smoke?' I always say, 'No. Mind if I fart? Steve Martin hey smoking mind She looked down again and I was stymied. I sat. Oh, this was enough to make me love her, because I was right with her, understanding every second and longing to step in. I didn’t even need to know the specific that was troubling her, because to me her halting voice easily stood for the general woe that hangs in the air, even on life’s happiest days. Steve Martin voice understanding air Mirabelle replaces the absent friends with books and television mysteries of the PBS kind. The books are mostly nineteenth-century novels in which women are poisoned or are doing the poisoning. She does not read these books as a romantic lonely hearts turning pages in the isolation of her room, not at all. She is instead an educated spirit with a sense of irony. She loves the gloom of these period novels, especially as kitsch, but beneath it all she finds that a part of her indentifies with all that darkness. Steve Martin lonely heart book Reviews for someone like me come in three packages. One is justifiable praise, the second is justifiable criticism, and the third is, "This is only published because he's a celebrity." Steve Martin three criticism praise You know, there's a moment when you're famous when it's unbearable to go out because you're too famous. And then there's a moment when you're famous just right. Steve Martin unbearable moments fame The emotions of men, however, were of a different order. They were pesky annoyances, small dust devils at her feet. Her knack for causing heartbreak was innate, but her vitality often made people forgive her romantic misdeeds. Steve Martin dust men order Always...no wait...never. Steve Martin waiting