If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously. W. C. Fields More Quotes by W. C. Fields More Quotes From W. C. Fields It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive. W. C. Fields funny-life lucky men You can't cheat an honest man. W. C. Fields honesty wine truth We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame is always placed on whisky. Why this should be I never could understand. You can die from drinking too much of anything - coffee, water, milk, soft drinks and all such stuff as that. And so as long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing. I will make mine whisky. W. C. Fields coffee simple drinking If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for. W. C. Fields ifs cheating Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad. W. C. Fields hate witty children Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink. W. C. Fields drinking sleep beautiful I like children - fried. W. C. Fields witty funny children Never give a sucker an even break. W. C. Fields break-even wine drinking I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming. W. C. Fields alcohol beer water I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes. W. C. Fields humor water funny I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for. W. C. Fields wine drinking beautiful During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days. W. C. Fields wine drinking water All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia W. C. Fields philadelphia all-things Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water. W. C. Fields drink say-anything water Never work with animals or children. W. C. Fields animal children I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. W. C. Fields new-year home worry Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one. W. C. Fields women marriage funny There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. W. C. Fields crazy silly funny W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained. W. C. Fields reading bible book I always made up my own acts; built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people; and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature. W. C. Fields real opportunity people
