Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish. Frank Carson More Quotes by Frank Carson More Quotes From Frank Carson I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance. Frank Carson wedding marriage inspirational I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers. Frank Carson girlfriend humor funny Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag. Frank Carson airports humor funny A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself. Frank Carson humor men funny A man walks into a pet shop and says: "Give me a wasp." The shopkeeper replies: "We don't sell wasps." He says: "There's one in the window." Frank Carson humor men funny I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man. Frank Carson humor men funny I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer. Frank Carson musician humor funny A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. "Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again." Frank Carson humor wind funny A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages." Frank Carson humor men funny What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist. Frank Carson differences humor funny A man walked into a shop and asked, "How much are your eggs?" He said "£1.40 a dozen". He then asked: "How much are your cracked ones?" He said: "35p". He said: "Crack us four dozen." Frank Carson humor men funny I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night. Frank Carson humor night funny I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: "We are two hours late Mr Carson." When I asked why, she said: "The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it." Frank Carson humor funny two Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen. Frank Carson passing pubs two The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid. Frank Carson humor men funny I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: "Have you a good memory for faces?" I asked why and she said: "Because there isn't a mirror up there." Frank Carson humor memories funny This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober. Frank Carson news humor funny I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour. Frank Carson humor morning funny Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list? Frank Carson abortion humor funny I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens. Frank Carson humor doors funny
