Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling. Dane Cook More Quotes by Dane Cook More Quotes From Dane Cook Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic. Dane Cook girl acting hot My real first job was delivering newspapers with I was 15. I would ride my bike around and chuck papers at people's houses. The thing that sucked is when I would go collecting everyone acted like they were not home. Totally sucked but because I could control the weather I showered trashcan size hail down on their homes until they were completely decimated. Dane Cook real home jobs I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some Dane Cook teenager silly kids It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist. Dane Cook incredibles falling-in-love feelings Text a guy you like right now, "I'm thinking about you." If he says, "mmm are you in bed?" Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron. Dane Cook thinking-about-you bed guy I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny. Dane Cook get-better girlfriend thinking Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry? Dane Cook fighting games play I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?' Dane Cook why-not snakes funny I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing. Dane Cook gorillas comedy littles I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin! Dane Cook muffins i-can I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that... Dane Cook god-bless-you i-can lord Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke. Dane Cook jokes When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain... Dane Cook party house rain I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things. Dane Cook comedy years needs I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it. Dane Cook comedy able way My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now. Dane Cook betrayal mom brother When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man. Dane Cook laughter work-out men When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time! Dane Cook inspirational funny travel I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50. Dane Cook boys funny kids I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody. Dane Cook vegas
