When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home. Erma Bombeck More Quotes by Erma Bombeck More Quotes From Erma Bombeck Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven. Erma Bombeck toasters next religious For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward. Erma Bombeck marriage inspirational funny Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw. Erma Bombeck coffee real spring There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. Erma Bombeck laughter hurt happiness My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. Erma Bombeck family mom mother Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults say this to children I look into their faces. They look like someone on the top seat of the Ferris wheel who has had too much cotton candy and barbecue. They'd like to get off and be sick but everyone keeps telling them what a good time they're having. Erma Bombeck best-years-of-your-life children people A child needs your love most when he deserves it least Erma Bombeck deserve children needs Success is outliving your failures Erma Bombeck Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. Erma Bombeck greatness determination success The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. Erma Bombeck sibling family character Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another. Erma Bombeck 4th-of-july compassion caring Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change? Erma Bombeck bed brother mother Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go. Erma Bombeck spices forever home There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it. Erma Bombeck mother fun water Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing. Erma Bombeck mom home children It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line. Erma Bombeck uncommon lines dream I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food Erma Bombeck humorous food funny Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago. Erma Bombeck mom mother years I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, "I told you so. Erma Bombeck knowing mother thinking Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. Erma Bombeck thanksgiving football sports
