Quotes by Humorous Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason. Bob Hope humorous night funny Golf's really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. ... I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie. By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome. Bob Hope humorous golf funny Some people put us down. But I still haven't heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico! Bob Hope humorous funny america The place was so British, I wouldn't have been surprised if the mice wore monocles. Bob Hope england humorous funny Free speech isn't dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers. Bob Hope italian humorous funny Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. Bob Hope humorous drinking funny As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, "Don't worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it's obsolete." Bob Hope humorous food funny America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold. Bob Hope humorous funny country I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons. Bob Hope humorous littles funny I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very far. Bob Hope humorous running funny The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government. Bob Hope government humorous funny The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don't know which end to talk to. Bob Hope japan humorous funny The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn't got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it. Bob Hope humorous funny country English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie. . . in the shower. Bob Hope ties humorous funny England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there. Bob Hope england humorous funny Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking. Bob Hope humorous funny believe Our first stop was red square, the heart of Moscow - if Moscow has one. Bob Hope humorous heart funny Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses? Bob Hope oil humorous funny We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes. Bob Hope ashes humorous funny It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead. Bob Hope humorous average funny «4567891011121314»