Quotes by Witty If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse. Woody Allen humorouswittydeath I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light. Woody Allen hilariouswittyfunny I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social. Woody Allen geekhumorouswitty The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen libertyhumorouswitty If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. Woody Allen wittyjobsfunny I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier. Woody Allen parishumorouswitty You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to. Woody Allen wittybirthdayfunny I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic. Woody Allen girlreligiouswitty A sheep in sheep's clothing. Winston Churchill clothingssheepwitty The wicked at heart probably know something. Woody Allen humorousheartwitty I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. Woody Allen humorouswittyfunny If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Woody Allen moneywittyfunny I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me. Woody Allen humorouswantwitty What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Woody Allen wittyinspirationalfunny I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland. Woody Allen conquerhumorouswitty I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody Allen wittyinspirationalfunny I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. Woody Allen wittylifefunny I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. Woody Allen wittyfunnysex We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. Woody Allen books-and-movieshumorouswitty I can levitate birds. No one cares. Woody Allen humorouswittybird«6162636465666768697071»
