Everyone smiles in the same language. George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from. George Carlin accepted men jesus There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment. George Carlin environment two people I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences. George Carlin stupid-people christian thinking You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos George Carlin basketball games talking The things they don't tell you in schools these days, geez. Have a look at your owners. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice; you have owners. They own you. They own everything. George Carlin giving ideas school So I live in Los Angeles, and it's kind of a goofy place. They have an airport named after John Wayne. That ought to explain it. It has a charming kind of superstitious innocence. George Carlin goofy innocence airports If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? George Carlin dumb-questions humor funny The older you get, the better you realize you were. George Carlin golden-girls realizing I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration. George Carlin criminals funny people They mention that it's a nonstop flight. Well, I must say I don't care for that sort of thing. Call me old fashioned, but I insist that my flight stop. Preferably at an airport. George Carlin airports humorous food I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't... Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself. George Carlin sarcastic witty funny Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away? George Carlin illegal should giving The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate. George Carlin rate clergymen next The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done". George Carlin time jobs funny As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up. George Carlin burning heart two Never forget that Hitler was a Catholic. George Carlin never-forget catholic forget Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves. George Carlin self If you can't say something nice about a person, go ahead George Carlin nice persons ifs I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise. George Carlin phrases essentials people Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you? George Carlin mother running sports
