Everyone smiles in the same language. George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client? George Carlin humor stupid funny I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread. George Carlin yeast dancing bread I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond! George Carlin cutting giving art People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control. George Carlin relax littles people I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it. George Carlin gun home believe I don't care much about the outcome. I'd like for people to feel better and have better lives, but I don't think that's in the cards through political action. I think bloodshed is still the way you get dramatic change. That'll never happen because they've got all the guns now. At least they've got the nice guns, the big ones, the ones with night vision. George Carlin feel-better nice gun If everything that ever lived is dead, and everything alive is gonna die...where does the sacred part come in? George Carlin sacred alive doe The effect of the coke on our relationship [with my wife Brenda] was very sick. Now that it's over, those were actually funny times. Looking for each other's coke, hiding it, finding it, doing some, not telling the other. Then fighting over it. George Carlin wife sick fighting So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. George Carlin sarcastic witty funny Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't. George Carlin moral-fiber people thinking I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious. George Carlin sushi cooking food I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best. George Carlin worthwhile want believe Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it. George Carlin schmucks together two The first obligation I have is to be funny; it's my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes. George Carlin impulse instinct firsts Comedy is grievances. It's a recitation of grievances - whether they're inconsequential, superficial - like "my wife shops too much", or "kids today", all those old-fashioned themes - or, if it's deeper, and somewhat more thoughtful, about social imbalance and inequities, and the folly of human behavior. It's usually a complaint. George Carlin thoughtful wife kids There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice. George Carlin writing two years My mother and I had a lot of distance between us emotionally, although, on the surface, most of the time, we appeared good and friendly, and all that. But I was a problem. I was a street kid. George Carlin distance mother kids Good news for senior citizens: Death is near! George Carlin senior funny death Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too. George Carlin cutting nuts insanity It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke. George Carlin coke typical writing
