Everyone smiles in the same language. George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin Weather tonight: dark. Turning partly light by morning. George Carlin light dark morning You get to play with people's little danger zones. George Carlin play littles people Tits always look better in a pink sweater. George Carlin sweaters looks I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid. George Carlin smart kids school I'm tired of hearing about innocent victims. It's fiction, If you live on this planet you're guilty, period, f*** you, next case, end of report. Your birth certificate is proof of guilt. George Carlin tired guilt humorous That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people. George Carlin invisible-hand hands people How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies. George Carlin sarcastic god funny Primitive societies, or social groupings, had shamans, and some of them even more recent in time. Shamans were tricksters. There was a tradition of the trickster, and the trickster was a clown, a humorous fellow. His task was to trick the gods, to humor the gods into laughing, so that there was access to the divine - because laughter is a moment when we are completely ourselves. George Carlin laughter humorous laughing Even in a fake democracy, people ought to get what they want once in a while. George Carlin fake democracy people If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some breadsticks?" "No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll." George Carlin humor funny thinking If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was? George Carlin stupid jesus thinking If there were only one cherry pie in the world, and Bill Clinton owned it, I might get a piece of it. If Bush or Reagan owned it, you'd have to kill them to get a piece of pie. That's my feeling about Bill. And Bill's a good bullshitter. America likes a good bullshitter. That's one of the reasons he was re-elected. Honesty has no place in politics. It would throw everything off. George Carlin pie honesty america Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. George Carlin kids years thinking If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire. George Carlin one-love fire love-you We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought. George Carlin landscape language thinking Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help. George Carlin humorous helping giving My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978. George Carlin arteries branches saint On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way. George Carlin may doors hands E-I-E-I-O is actually a gross misspelling of the word farm. George Carlin gross genuine farms The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives. George Carlin phrases practice might
