Everyone smiles in the same language. George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin When will all the rhetorical questions end? George Carlin humor ends funny Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage. George Carlin departure writing book I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors. George Carlin favors growth long One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow. George Carlin focus personality world Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? George Carlin money humor funny Sometimes guys'll say to you, 'Have a good one'. I say, 'I already have a good one. Now I'm looking for a longer one'. George Carlin guy sometimes sex I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie. George Carlin cliffs guy Where ideas are concerned, America can be counted on to do one of two things: Take a good idea and run it completely into the ground, or take a bad idea and run it completely into the ground. George Carlin running two ideas Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out. George Carlin humorous eye song I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations. George Carlin foundation smart ideas In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman. George Carlin clergymen bullshit atheist Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players. George Carlin player baseball people The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes. George Carlin tennis shoes light I think everybody should be able to do anything they want and let roving bands of people punish each other for things they don't agree with. People with no underwear doing anything they want. Wouldn't that be fun? You wouldn't need television. George Carlin fun people thinking There is a core of loneliness. It's partly existential. Secondly, I was raised a loner. My parents were not there. My father was asked to leave because he couldn't metabolize ethanol. Actually, my mother ran away with us when I was 2 months old and my brother was 5. Real dramatic stuff: down the fire escape, through backyards. So, I sort of raised myself. I was alone a lot and I invented myself - I lived through the radio and through my imagination. George Carlin brother mother father The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament. George Carlin old-testament calling years Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of George Carlin mountain healthy government Everybody in America is a part of this big herd of cattle being led to the marketplace, not to be sold, which is usual with cattle, but to do the buying. And everyone is branded. You see the brands - Nike, Puma, Coke - all over their bodies. Pretty soon you'll go to a family and say, "$100,000 if we can tattoo Pepsi on your child's forehead, and we'll have it removed when he's twenty-one. A hundred grand." George Carlin nike tattoo children Let's suppose we all just materialized on Earth and there was a bunch of potatoes on the ground, okay? There's just six of us. Only six humans. We come into a clearing and there's potatoes on the ground. Now, my instinct would be, let's everybody get some potatoes. "Everybody got a potato? Joey didn't get a potato! He's small, he can't hold as many potatoes. Give Joey some of your potatoes." "No, these are my potatoes!" That's the Republicans. "I collected more of them, I got a bigger pile of potatoes, they're mine. If you want some of them, you're going to have to give me something." George Carlin republican earth giving My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. George Carlin finding-yourself persistence advice
