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Quotes by Funny

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

Adam Carolla
nice humor funny

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

Adam Carolla
humor want funny

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

Adam Carolla
humor funny two

I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

Adam Carolla
crazy lonely funny

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

Adam Carolla
differences humor funny
He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a thr... by Adam Carolla

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

Adam Carolla
guy humor funny

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

Adam Carolla
humor giving funny

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

Adam Carolla
growing-up humor funny

You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.

Adam Carolla
humor home funny

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

Adam Carolla
humor funny two

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

Adam Carolla
humor funny thinking

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

Adam Carolla
kings funny sex

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

Adam Carolla
dad humor funny

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

Adam Carolla
care humor funny
A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship... by Adam Clayton Powell, Jr.

A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck.

Adam Clayton Powell, Jr.
respect inspirational funny

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

Adam Ferrara
humor baby funny
What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never kn... by Adam Ferrara

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

Adam Ferrara
what-if humor funny

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

Adam Ferrara
humor religious funny

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'

Adam Ferrara
funny father sex

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

Adam Ferrara
humor funny moving
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