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Quotes by Funny

A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you should... by Alexander Woollcott

A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go.

Alexander Woollcott
places-to-go humor funny
So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, a... by Alexandre Dumas

So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three.

Alexandre Dumas
marriage witty funny

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.

Alexei Sayle
president stupid funny

Really, the potential for, first of all, any college graduate today is enormously good. These are good times for anyone with a college degree today, particularly African Americans. With a college degree today, you really breach the unemployment rate.

Alexis Herman
graduation inspirational funny
Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans. by Alf Landon

Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans.

Alf Landon
dumb funny country
The true God, the mighty God, is the God of ideas. by Alfred de Vigny

The true God, the mighty God, is the God of ideas.

Alfred de Vigny
sarcastic funny ideas
Puns are the highest form of literature. by Alfred Hitchcock

Puns are the highest form of literature.

Alfred Hitchcock
form literature funny
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance... by Alfred Hitchcock

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

Alfred Hitchcock
movie humor funny
I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors sh... by Alfred Hitchcock

I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.

Alfred Hitchcock
acting sarcastic funny
There is nothing so good as a burial at sea. It is simple, tidy,... by Alfred Hitchcock

There is nothing so good as a burial at sea. It is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating.

Alfred Hitchcock
simple sea funny
Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belon... by Alfred Hitchcock

Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.

Alfred Hitchcock
smart witty funny

Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.

Alfred Hitchcock
sarcastic funny death
'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at al... by Alfred Lord Tennyson

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Alfred Lord Tennyson
love life funny
Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best... by Alfred Lord Tennyson

Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell.

Alfred Lord Tennyson
women funny heaven
Old age hath yet his honour and his toil. by Alfred Lord Tennyson

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil.

Alfred Lord Tennyson
toil age funny

Seeing you lights up my day, to hear your voice makes me smile all cheesy, to see you smile makes my heart all warm and fuzzy, when you say I love you makes my body weak.

Alice Gardner
love-you heart funny

The difficulty about all this dying, is that you can't tell a fellow anything about it, so where does the fun come in?

Alice James
dying funny death
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit n... by Alice Roosevelt Longworth

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth
nice witty funny
Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpi... by Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth
hair men funny
If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by m... by Alice Roosevelt Longworth

If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth
humor say-anything funny
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