Quotes by Humor Nor is it of much Importance to us to know the Manner in which Nature executes her laws; 'tis enough to know the Laws themselves. Benjamin Franklin humor law fun "Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully. "Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever." "And he has Brain." "Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain." There was a long silence. "I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything." Benjamin Hoff humor clever funny The main purpose of the stock market is to make fools of as many men as possible. Bernard Baruch humor men funny The law often permits what honor prohibits. Bernard-Joseph Saurin humor law funny What a strange world this would be if we all had the same sense of humor. Bernard Williams humor would-be world The righteous one has no sense of humor. Bertolt Brecht sense-of-humor righteous humor One should as a rule respect public opinion in so far as is necessary to avoid starvation and to keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny. Bertrand Russell public-opinion respect humor My makeup wasn't smeared, I wasn't disheveled, I behaved politely, and I never finished off a bottle, so how could I be alcoholic? Betty Ford makeup alcohol humor Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide. Bill Bailey humor vegetarianism funny People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.' Bill Bailey humor funny people I'm quite lucky, because I've got a small, decorative concrete pig. Bill Bailey humor pigs funny Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet. Bill Bailey humor doubt funny A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law." Bill Bailey horse humor funny I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically. Bill Bailey meat humor funny Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context. Bill Bailey humor law funny That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf. Bill Bailey humor religious funny Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.' Bill Bailey humor funny people The reason we'd stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom. Whoever was charged with making the announcement momentarily lost all sense of procedure and we got this tantalizing glimpse into the chaos on the trains, and all we could hear was (bangs on microphone) "Gary, it's burning, what we gonna do?!" And everyone on the carriage just cheered, "Hooray! We're rubbish!" Bill Bailey humor fire funny I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship. Bill Bailey humor hurt funny This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone." Bill Bailey humor funny past «678910111213141516»