Quotes by Witty It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. Jerry Seinfeld humorouswittyfunny Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. Jerry Seinfeld humorouswittyfunny Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. Jerry Seinfeld hilariouswittyfunny I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything. Jerry Seinfeld cuttingtimewitty Being witty was the only side effect of being depressed that was working for me. Jessi Klein being-depressedsideswitty Witty closing remarks have been replaced by massive head trauma and severe hemorrhaging. Jhonen Vasquez closingtraumawitty Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat. Jim Davis hilariouswittyfunny I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter. Jim Carrey worst-enemywittyfunny Ack!" I said. Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me. Jim Butcher harry-dresdenfearlesswitty It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass. Jim Gaffigan hurricanesweatherwitty The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. Jimmy Fallon humorouswittyfunny I've never had a humble opinion. If you've got an opinion, why be humble about it? Joan Baez humilityhumblewitty I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Joan Rivers wittybabyfunny I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.' Joan Rivers motherwittyfunny In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In the later years, you fight because you do. Joan Didion marriagewittyfunny Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name. Joan Rivers wittylifefunny If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. Joan Rivers womenwittyfunny The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love Joe Louis wittylovefunny Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. Joey Adams marriagewittyfunny Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. John Barrymore sexywittyrelationship«2829303132333435363738»
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