Quotes by Funny We scored a season-high, yeah - albeit against a team that is somewhat tanking. Andrew Bogut nba team funny He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot. He that dare not is a slave. Andrew Carnegie intelligence wisdom funny When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make lemonade. Andrew Carnegie famous-inspirational fate funny An unsophisticated forecaster uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts - for support rather than for illumination. Andrew Lang humorous men funny Life is the most exciting opportunity we have. But we have one shot. You graduate from college once, and that's it. You're going out of that nest. And you have to find that courage that's deep, deep, deep in there. Every step of the way. Andrew Shue graduation inspirational funny As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution. Andy Borowitz stupid-people funny believe I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one. Andy Borowitz technology funny people The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked. Andy Borowitz baby funny jesus Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death. Andy Borowitz technology men funny Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions. Andy Borowitz cat technology funny Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence. Andy Borowitz technology funny people Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one. Andy Borowitz crazy gun funny It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads. Andy Borowitz nice money funny Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role. Andy Borowitz comedian usa funny All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson. Andy Borowitz mourning independence funny On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations. Andy Borowitz 4th-of-july anniversary funny Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron. Andy Borowitz stupid-people political funny Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people" Andy Borowitz technology new-relationship funny Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part. Andy Borowitz political running funny Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning. Andy Borowitz christmas religious funny «1011121314151617181920»