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Quotes by Funny

We scored a season-high, yeah - albeit against a team that is som... by Andrew Bogut

We scored a season-high, yeah - albeit against a team that is somewhat tanking.

Andrew Bogut
nba team funny
He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot. He... by Andrew Carnegie

He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot. He that dare not is a slave.

Andrew Carnegie
intelligence wisdom funny
When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make lemonade. by Andrew Carnegie

When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make lemonade.

Andrew Carnegie
famous-inspirational fate funny

An unsophisticated forecaster uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts - for support rather than for illumination.

Andrew Lang
humorous men funny

Life is the most exciting opportunity we have. But we have one shot. You graduate from college once, and that's it. You're going out of that nest. And you have to find that courage that's deep, deep, deep in there. Every step of the way.

Andrew Shue
graduation inspirational funny

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

Andy Borowitz
stupid-people funny believe

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Andy Borowitz
technology funny people
The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked... by Andy Borowitz

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Andy Borowitz
baby funny jesus

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.

Andy Borowitz
technology men funny
Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for direction... by Andy Borowitz

Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.

Andy Borowitz
cat technology funny

Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.

Andy Borowitz
technology funny people

Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

Andy Borowitz
crazy gun funny

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Andy Borowitz
nice money funny

Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.

Andy Borowitz
comedian usa funny
All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration... by Andy Borowitz

All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.

Andy Borowitz
mourning independence funny

On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.

Andy Borowitz
4th-of-july anniversary funny

Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.

Andy Borowitz
stupid-people political funny
Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to int... by Andy Borowitz

Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people"

Andy Borowitz
technology new-relationship funny
Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight... by Andy Borowitz

Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.

Andy Borowitz
political running funny

Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning.

Andy Borowitz
christmas religious funny
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