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Quotes by Funny

Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.

Andy Borowitz
worry funny travel
Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour i... by Andy Borowitz

Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.

Andy Borowitz
hours technology funny
Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?... by Andy Borowitz

Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'

Andy Borowitz
comedian government funny

The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.

Andy Borowitz
funny travel thinking
The Internet is for haters. Everyone wants to knock somebody down... by Andy Cohen

The Internet is for haters. Everyone wants to knock somebody down, but it's cool.

Andy Cohen
hater want funny

The Rolling Stones suffered a great loss with the death of Ian Stewart, the man who had for so many years played piano quietly and silently with them on stage.

Andy Peebles
loss men funny
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. by Andy Rooney

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Andy Rooney
dog inspirational funny

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

Andy Rooney
fitness funny book

You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.

Andy Rooney
military war funny
Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the gr... by Andy Rooney

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

Andy Rooney
golf watches funny
Aping what you've already done is just so dangerous and unrewardi... by Andy Summers

Aping what you've already done is just so dangerous and unrewarding.

Andy Summers
done inspiring funny
I am a deeply superficial person. by Andy Warhol

I am a deeply superficial person.

Andy Warhol
humor drinking funny

I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumors to my dogs.

Andy Warhol
dog funny art

When I got my first TV set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships with other people.

Andy Warhol
caring witty funny
Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want thin... by Andy Warhol

Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants.

Andy Warhol
real new-york funny
I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I do... by Andy Warhol

I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell?

Andy Warhol
war funny mean

This island is made mainly of coal and surrounded by fish. Only an organizing genius could produce a shortage of coal and fish at the same time.

Aneurin Bevan
humor islands funny
Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people. by Angela Carter

Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people.

Angela Carter
humor funny people
I'm odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet. by Angelina Jolie

I'm odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet.

Angelina Jolie
funny looks thinking

In Africa, we were around thousands of people who have seen a lot of poverty, but they were fun at the end of the day.

Angelina Jolie
inspirational funny people
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