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Quotes by Funny

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of reta... by Ambrose Bierce

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

Ambrose Bierce
giving-up hope funny
Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance. by Ambrose Bierce

Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.

Ambrose Bierce
appearance truth funny
That is a good book which is opened with expectation, and closed... by Amos Bronson Alcott

That is a good book which is opened with expectation, and closed with delight and profit.

Amos Bronson Alcott
reading funny book

I think a lot of times we don't pay enough attention to people with a positive attitude because we assume they are naive or stupid or unschooled.

Amy Adams
stupid attitude funny

Always remember your kid’s name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don’t let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers…for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.

Amy Poehler
names funny kids

We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work, it doesn't matter. But work is third.

Amy Poehler
parks-and-recreation inspirational funny

We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.

Amy Schumer
different funny kids

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'

Amy Schumer
pilates inspirational funny
Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty. by Amy Schumer

Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.

Amy Schumer
comedy funny thinking

I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'

Amy Schumer
brunch guy funny
The moment someone says, 'Hey, everyone, listen to the words in t... by Amy Sedaris

The moment someone says, 'Hey, everyone, listen to the words in this song,' your party is over.

Amy Sedaris
song inspirational funny

Everyone knows that a man can marry even if he reaches the age of 102, is penniless, and has all his facilities gone. There is always some woman willing to take a chance on him.

Amy Vanderbilt
women age funny

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.

Anais Nin
new-year inspirational funny
We travel, some of us forever, to seek other states, other lives,... by Anais Nin

We travel, some of us forever, to seek other states, other lives, other souls.

Anais Nin
inspirational funny travel
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolis... by Anatole France

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.

Anatole France
wisdom stupid funny
The books that everybody admires are those that nobody reads. by Anatole France

The books that everybody admires are those that nobody reads.

Anatole France
reading funny book
To die for an idea is to set a rather high price upon conjecture. by Anatole France

To die for an idea is to set a rather high price upon conjecture.

Anatole France
atheism funny ideas
Happiness should always remain a bit incomplete. After all, dream... by Anatoly Karpov

Happiness should always remain a bit incomplete. After all, dreams are boundless.

Anatoly Karpov
dream happiness funny
I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all... by Andre Dawson

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.

Andre Dawson
dumb funny kids

Men know everything - all of them - all the time - no matter how stupid or inexperienced or arrogant or ignorant they are.

Andrea Dworkin
stupid men funny
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